How to Deal with Inner Critic in 4 Practical Steps

“You are such a failure!”

“What you are trying to do is stupid.”

“And who cares about it anyway?”

If someone else would say that to me, I would slap them in the face.

But what do you do if you are the one who says those words to yourself?

My inner-critic makes an appearance inside my head quite often. Especially when I am working on something important. Things I really want to do.

My initial excitement and enthusiasm are usually replaced by this mean and annoying voice inside my head.

And immediately I would feel worthless. And frustrated for having those thoughts. I would start a conversation, convincing myself it’s not true. But the voice would often win. And I would give up.

On my goals. On my dreams. On doing things I really want.

Until inspiration hits again. And the self-critic pops up again. The cycle repeats.

If you’ve been in that vicious cycle, you know how frustrating it feels.

Frustrated and helpless, I would seek advice on social media. But every article and advice I’ve read would tell me to think positive thoughts, believe in myself, and face my fears.

I love that advice!

But I always felt like they were just a band-aid, a great first aid help that doesn’t really address the deeper issue inside.

Because the more I started digging into this issue, the more I realized how deeply seated my inner self-critic was.

Things got much more manageable when I’ve learned where my inner critic comes from and how to deal with its mean voice.

Happy to share those gems with you, so you can learn how to manage it as well.

1. Many thoughts inside the head are internalized voices of other people.

Meditation practice helped me to not only observe my thoughts but separate myself from them. So the crucial step for me was to accept that I am NOT my thoughts.

At first, it felt counter-intuitive. I am the one who thinks those condemning thoughts. Therefore, they must be true, especially if those thoughts are about me.

But the more I observed the thoughts, the more I noticed that they sounded like voices of other people — a disappointed mother, a strict teacher, a demanding aunt.

The thing is that up to the age of 7, the child’s mind is not fully developed to rationalize and understand the intention behind the mother’s critical remark. Instead, it internalizes as something that is awfully wrong with her/him.

The child hears “How could you get C?,” but internalizes as “I disappoint my parents, I am bad.”

2. Inner critic repeats what’s familiar.

Our mind has two parts — conscious and unconscious. With the conscious part we think, we plan, we analyze. The unconscious part is a collection of past experiences, suppressed emotions, and limiting beliefs from our childhood.

Even though we make all rational and logical decisions with our conscious part, the unconscious part rules over our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors 80% of the time.

And to which part does our inner critic belong? You guessed it right. The inner critic is a part of the unconscious.

Unconscious plays a huge role in maintaining the main function of our brain — survival. And what makes us survive is what keeps us safe. And what keeps us safe is what’s FAMILIAR.

What does it have to do with the inner critic? Well, the voices in our head are just familiar voices that have been on repeat for many years.

Familiar doesn’t necessarily mean good. It simply means safe. And that’s what our unconscious mind will recreate inside our own head.

Ok, great! But what is the way out of this internal prison?

If you relate to any words written above, it means you are aware of your inner critic.

And that is very important. Because awareness is the first important step to any change. You can’t change what you are not aware of.

But the second step is as important. What is it?

It’s to take action in order to change the outcome.

And when it comes to inner critic the action is to separate it from yourself.

Here are 4 practices that helped me tremendously to take action when my inner critic was loud.

1. Observe your inner critic and its thoughts without judgment.

I remember in the beginning, I would notice the self-judgemental thoughts and get into an argument with myself.

“But the last time it wasn’t so bad.”

“What if I give it a try.”

“Maybe this time it will work.”

And then I would feel bad for having those thoughts. It’s like judging myself for judging myself.

Instead of falling into that rabbit hole each time, I decided to just observe my mind.

And breathe. “I am not my thoughts. I am not my thoughts. I am not my thoughts.”

Over time it became easier for me to change the focus on what I was trying to do instead of winning the battle inside my head.

2. Give your inner critic a name.

To separate yourself even further from your inner critic, give her/him a name.

I called mine “Samantha” and she made an appearance today when I was writing this article.

“Thank you, Samantha. I see you. But I will continue to write even if you think it’s crap, and nobody will read it.”

When you give your inner critic a name, you can call her out on her lies and continue doing what you know is the right thing to do.

3. Practice loving affirmation.

Honestly, loving affirmation felt quite unnatural to me in the beginning. Why would they? I never talk nicely to myself.

But I’ve realized that it’s like learning a new language. First awkward and unnatural in the beginning, it gets easier with time.

So no matter how hard it feels in the beginning for you, do it anyway. After all, you are learning a love language with yourself.

4. Acknowledge your small steps and victories.

What I also noticed is that it was hard for me to acknowledge my accomplishments.

To praise myself for doing something well — no, I can always do better. But the moment I made a mistake, my inner critic was bashing the hell out of me.

It’s because self-criticism and self-praise are two sides of the same coin. If it’s easy to do one, it’s hard to do another.

So the work also laid in starting to accept compliments. To acknowledge my small wins. To become my own cheerleader.

At the end of the day, I would write down a couple of things I was proud of doing that day. By the end of the week, I had the whole list.

So every time the inner critic pops up with its loud voice, I could open the list and read it out loud to acknowledge myself for all the great things I’ve done.

If it’s hard for you to acknowledge your victories and things you did well, sit down, and write the list. And then re-read it as often as you can, feeling proud for every single item on the list.

My inner critic still makes an appearance from time to time. “Hello, Samantha!”

And I honestly don’t know if she will ever disappear. But I don’t fight with her anymore.

As I continue observing my thoughts, loving myself, and noticing all small wins, it gets easier to not get sucked into her lies. And it gets easier to acknowledge and praise myself for each small step I take into the direction of my dreams.